Saturday, April 13, 2013

A Short (but Telling) List of Things I've Never Owned

This year I'll celebrate a milestone birthday.  As I measure my life thus far, I've had a chance to reflect on the man I've become. To a certain degree we can define our lives by the possessions we keep (vintage scooters, original artwork, fine antiques, high-end electronics, etc). Looking back, I realize the converse is also true. In many respects we can tell as much about someone by the things they haven't owned, as by the things they have.

In that spirit, I offer a short but telling list of items I've never owned.
 
  • Sandals (Flip-flops, yes. Sandals, no).
  • A Bowling Ball
  • A Fanny Pack
  • A Chrysler Product (This actually surprised me. I've owned dozens of cars, but never a Chrysler)
  • A Recliner
  • A Sonic Youth Record (Again, surprising)
  • Castanets
  • Cargo Pants (including Cargo Shorts) (In the interest of full disclosure, I once owned something that my mom referred to as "camping pants". These were shorts with a variety of clasps, pockets and boondoggles. While their function approximated those of cargo pants, aesthetically they were a completely different animal. They also weren't called cargo pants. So no, I've never owned Cargo Pants)
  • A Portable Music Player (This includes the Walkman, the Discman, an Mp3 player or any related varieties thereof)
  • Cross-trainers
  • A Radar Detector
  • A French Press
  • A Pinky Ring
  • A Skateboard
  • Chrome Rims
  • Any Musical Instrument in the Reed Family
  • Nikes
  • A Tennis Racket
  • Oakley Sunglasses
  • A Hunting Knife (Come to think of it, I've lived my life pretty much free of any dedicated weaponry. This includes guns, quarterstaffs, kendo sticks, crossbows, slingshots, throwing stars, maces, broadswords, boomerangs, and truncheons (Though I did have a souvenir baseball bat when I was younger)).
  • A Trampoline
  • A Tank Top
  • Poker Chips
  • A Zippo Lighter
  • Horseshoes (decorative or otherwise)
  • String Art



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